I’m The Giver In Relationships

All yo dirty ass minds need to relax. No I’m not talking about sexually giving. Family reads this shit and although I have no filter most of the time, I can’t be talkin about all that now. I’m talking putting all my eggs in one basket. Giving my all to someone and giving them everything I could think they want. Bringing them homemade food. Doing their dishes at their house even though they don’t ask me to. Being affectionate and listening to their problems. I love taking care of someone and I’m starting to think it’s the worst quality I have. When you give, you shouldn’t expect to receive back. To me, that’s the best feeling. Doing for someone else because you truly want to but when you do that, and there’s no sign of appreciation and more signs of taking advantage, I get a little pissed off. I would really love for someone to explain this to me as I go over it in my mind pretty often.

I don’t usually talk about my personal dating experience and point out that it’s MY actual experience, but I’m thinking I need to start because this right here has me stumped. Ok, here’s the deal. Besides doing all those things I stated that I really did do, and yes it was all my own decision, you would think when you’ve been seeing someone every weekend for about four months, it would be going somewhere. He’s called to set up dates and times to meet every weekend. He’s asked me to stay over and spend the entire weekend with him. He’s purposely gone out of his way to introduce me to friends, neighbors, and even made me call his mother to talk to her. Am I crazy or does this sound like the dude is really interested in something more than just a girl that comes to hangout and spend time with him? I’m not overthinking this shit. When someone says “I want you to talk to my Mom” and she tells you how much she’s heard about you, how are you going to randomly stop trying, not even respond to my message for days and then when you do, the response is “I think I just don’t have time to be fair to you”?

First thought was “go fuck yourself”. Why did you spend almost four months really getting to know me and making it a point that we are exclusive, yet find out you don’t have time? Second thought was “thank you for thinking of my feelings”. He knew I was not in this for a hook up. I wanted a relationship and wanted to work towards that. Now? Shit! F all that! I’m not even kidding when I say this man asked me to meet up in person so he could explain how he’s feeling to my face because he respects me. Do you think it happened? NO!!! Not even a text or call to set the time up. I have NEVER EVER been ghosted in my life until now and at 30, I’m too old for this shit. At 37, HE should be too old for this shit.

Yes I was hurt, really fucking irritate and downright disappointed in someone who was what I “thought” a really cool dude. I had gone above and beyond, as I always do, just to end up back on my own. I’m a strong women and can handle it but enough is enough. Why is it that women like me who love to give and take care of others always end up being shit on? See fellas, nice girls finish last too. It’s a fucking brutal LA dating world out there, well in LA it is, and this is not worth it. Some days, I think it’s better to just be alone, not worry about someone hurting me and date like a man. No fucks given! Homemade dinners? All mine bitch. Stopping to grab you a coffee on the way to surprising you? More like grabbing a treat for the roommates dog on my way back home. LA men…you still suck!

(photo location: Marina Del Rey, California)

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