UUUUGGGHHHH!!! Those damn gluten free rice crispy treat marshmallow things from Starbucks kills me every time. I crave them like a pregnant women (but obviously I’m not). It’s seriously uncontrollable. Anything sweet (and salty) can come my way and without hesitation, I will eat it. Why must my hormones be so out of wack that I have no say so as to what I eat? My will power has definitely diminished through the years as I’ve not only moved in with people who can eat whatever the fuck they want, but I swear to you there is a savory potluck at work once a week that down right pisses me off it’s so good. How can I not participate?
No matter what kind of yummy goodness it is, I will never (and I mean NEVER) be able to deny a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting from Sprinkles. With eight locations in California, I’m basically fucked. I see it and almost immediately turn around to go back. I promise you they are that good. I’m thankful they have mini cupcakes that are only 150 calories because after eating a normal size one, which is abnormally big, I feel so gluttonous and guilty even though the amount of sweetness is perfection. Add Aunt Flo to the mix and it’s over. There’s no stopping. How can I control these urges? Why does this happen once a month? It’s not fair. Even though I have an excuse to splurge and get a little something sweet, I still hate it. I don’t want an excuse once a month. I only want one like twice a year if that.
Aunt Flo. You are the biggest bitch I know. You never care about my feelings, you make me think about the most random shit to the extreme, you hurt my entire body and you create this bloated-ness from hell that has no explanation other than “Oh you’re pregnant?”. No bitch…I’m not. I’m on my period. Fuck my life! Your ways of making me grab anything that remotely tastes good and put it in my mouth has confirmed you are the demon of all demons and for that I truly hate you. I’m sure when I hit menopause I will wish for you back but that moment is far from now so until then, I give you a big middle finger my sworn enemy.